Home > Uncategorized > Today, things changed….

Today, things changed….

…very much for the better.

In writing, we talk about protecting both the innocent and the guilty. We don’t name names, we don’t give damning specifics, and we sure as hell don’t mock those who have hurt us. Screw that.

The reason why I have all these problems with my left hip and leg is because an asshole named Chris Greggory kicked me square in my tailbone 3ish years ago. He kicked me so hard and so perfectly, that I literally flew through the air. When I landed, I could barely walk, and I could hardly sit down for the next two months. Because it’s embarrassing being kicked in the butt, I did nothing about it at the time. That, and I had no health insurance, so I couldn’t even see a doctor about what I’m sure was my severely damaged rear end.

What I didn’t know at the time was not only did Chris totally mess up my tailbone, but he also threw out the left side of my pelvis with that kick. The pelvis is essentially a two-part structure, and yes, it moves from time to time. How else would women push out gigantic babies? However, the trauma to my arse/pelvis kept the left half jammed upwards long enough for my hip to finally dislocate. And then it did it again…and again…and again…and so forth.

I couldn’t run anymore. I had to stop dancing, because it was so damn painful. I thrash around in my sleep every night even still, because if I stay in one position too long, the pain becomes great enough to actually wake me up. Sex hurts…sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. Either way, I always pay for it the next day. I became a bonified cripple essentially overnight.

The general opinion of my doctor was that I had chronic bursitis in my left hip. It’s basically a ridiculous amount of swelling in a small amount of space that severely limits movement. I’ve had multiple cortisone injections in the ligament in my left hip, and each time, they’ve only helped for a day or two.

About a year and a half ago, one conversation led to another during an annual exam, and it was discovered by my doctor that my pelvis was stupidly misaligned. She was able to temporarily fix me, and it was magnificent, but that’s when the shit hit the fan, and everything led its awful way back to Chris fucking Greggory.

I’m not afraid of people, but I’ve spent the last several years being terrified of Chris Greggory. I’d go into full-fledged panic attacks if I even saw him at a distance. In my mind, as a sociopath, he wasn’t a person. He was, in fact, a monster. Monsters don’t feel pain. They don’t feel feelings. They aren’t compassionate, and they like inflicting pain upon others. One wrong move, and maybe he’d hurt me again. And if he could do all this damage to my body with one, simple kick to my ass, what would happen if he threw a punch? Or grabbed me? Or pushed me down? Would I die?

Today, Chris Greggory became a person in my brain again, and as such, he is no longer terrifying. People, after all, are just people.

I was at work, though we weren’t open yet. I’d walked down the hall to grab some breakfast, and when I left the cafe, he was suddenly there, sitting on a bench outside of GNC, waiting for them to open. He was between me and the safety of my store, and it didn’t matter.

He was wearing his work-out clothes, and I could see the yellow stains in the armpits of his white shirt. His hair was a stupid mess, and so was he. His shoes were old and worn, and the way he sat told me his back was bothering him. His voice has always reminded me of my Uncle Tom’s voice, who was another monster I spent years being terrified of, and that had always disturbed me. But Tom, too, has since become just another person in my mind.

So there was Chris, a loser sitting on a wooden bench, unshowered, unkempt, fat and ugly of both spirit and body. I briefly looked him in the eye before briskly walking past him and slipping back into my store full of cameras and panic buttons. I was safe there, but more importantly, I was also safe before I slipped inside.

I’m done with fear. I’m done hiding. I’m done having a broken body. I will dance, I will run, and I will boldly state this:

Chris Greggory, I’m not afraid of you anymore. You’re a sorry excuse for a human being, and I’m better than you in every way, shape and form. Nothing you can do can hurt me anymore, and just to show you how much better I am, I’m going to finally make a full recovery from the wounds you gave me. You are nothing.

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