Home > Rants, Uncategorized > Relaxing with Dup

Relaxing with Dup

Watching her growl at the window is both alarming and comforting. It’s alarming because there could be someone out there, but it’s also comforting, because I know she’ll protect me whatever happens. That’s the beauty of Dup’s and my bond: I’ve promised to always keep her safe, and she’s promised to always keep me safe, so as long as we’re together, we’re always safe.

 

Yesterday, we had the police over. As I turned into the driveway, a homeless man briskly exited the property. The front gate was ajar, and Dup was inside the unlocked house coming down from a freak-out. She and I went out back so she could relieve herself, and then I promptly called the cops.

 

“Hi, my name is Karin Dickinson, and I’m calling to report some homeless dude lurking around my house. I don’t think he came in, since the dog was going insane when I got here, but maybe he did, since my punk brother left the front door, side door, his window and the backdoor unlocked.”

 

“Are you alone in the house now, Miss?”

 

“Um, yes?”

 

“Did you check the rest of the house to make sure there’s no one else there?”

 

“Shit. No. Stay on the line with me, ok? You got my address, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

I sneaked around the house, Dup at my side, looking for thugs. None around. Whew!

 

“Nah. We’re good. So this dude, I dunno if he’s still out there, but he was definitely creeping around here.”

 

“Miss, I’m going to send an officer out to talk to you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Click.

 

And then like seven officers showed up, but they only sent Officer Javier in to talk to me. And Dup threatened to tear Officer Javier’s face off until I assured her he was a good man and only there to help.

 

And then they weren’t gonna arrest the homeless man, who at that point was in the back of one of the squad cars. And then they were, so Officer Javier had to come back and talk to me again…and set Dup off again. And then, like half an hour later, they weren’t, so the leader-guy came up to the house, thus driving Dup up the wall, to tell me they really were going to let him go. And then I guess they did.

 

“Girl, what are you writing about?” Dup asks.

 

“You. And me. And you and me.”

 

“Oh, good. Those are the best stories. I especially like the ones where we vanquish pirates and stuff like that. Are there any pirates in this one?”

 

“Nope. But there is a derelict.”

 

“What’s a derelict?” She cocks her head to the side the way she does when she’s watching a fly buzz around.

 

“That homeless man you scared shitless yesterday.” I smile at her.

 

“Oh. Well, can we pretend he was a pirate?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

There were more cops today, more bad guys, more pirates, except this time I was at work. Two men had come in to see if we could authenticate a Rolex for them before the one man who owned it sold it to the other who he’d met online. Just a fact that most people don’t realize: you can’t actually authenticate a Rolex without opening it up and looking at the insides. This has to be done by a skilled watchmaker, not by a goober with a screwdriver.

 

They left about 20 minutes later, the buyer fairly convinced that the Rolex was legit, despite the fact it hadn’t been opened. Once they were in the parking lot, the buyer pulled a gun on the seller and demanded not only the watch he’d intended to sell, but also the roughly $10k Rolex he had on his wrist. I didn’t witness this—the reporting officer told me about it while he downloaded our security feed to try to get a good image of the buyer-turned-thief.

 

The officer also told me that about 60% of transactions set up via the internet like this end up being fraudulent. Sometimes, they even end in bloodshed. The more you know, people, the more you know.

 

I sometimes ponder what I’d do in the case of an armed robbery. On my own, I think I’d crumble. If I was with a coworker, maybe I’d hold it together long enough to get them to just leave. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But, really, we don’t ever know what we’ll do in a situation until it happens, right? Hell, I might turn into a ninja and kick some serious ass, for all I know!

 

…but probably not. I’m thinking peeing myself and curling into the fetal position sounds like a good plan. That’s right. I have no shame. I also value my life and general safety enough to just give in.

 

So there was a man in our store for roughly 20 minutes with a gun concealed in his pocket or belt or whatever today. Seriously frightening to think about. Shudder!

 

She sighs heavily.

 

“What is it, Pup-a-Dup?”

 

“I wish I was there today.” She already knows the details. I told her right after I got home this evening.

 

“I don’t know that it would have helped. I think that poor guy was just doomed to lose his watches today. Kind of a stupid thing to do on his part, huh?”

 

“But you were in danger. I could have protected you.” She nuzzles against my leg before curling up at the foot of the bed. “You’re safe when I’m with you, Girl, but we were apart today, and you weren’t safe.”

 

“I suppose that’s true, Dup.”

 

“Girl, can you do me a favor?” She stretches her legs until our toes are touching.

 

I smile and nod. “Anything.”

 

“Don’t go hunting pirates without me anymore. Don’t even be around pirates without me anymore. You never know what they might do.” She inches up along the mattress until she’s right next to me.

 

I reach my arm over her and pull her close. “I promise, Duppy, that I will do my very best to stay away from pirates and derelicts and robbers period—even when I’m with you.”

 

“And?” She licks my nose.

 

“And especially when I’m without you.”

 

“Good.”

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Categories: Rants, Uncategorized
  1. August 21, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Arrrrr, Duppy! Yes, I agree with Dup. Stay away from hooligans, please.

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