Home > Rants > Today,


I have nothing important to tell you, save for the fact that I’m slowly dying of starvation. Why? Because there’s no one here to regurgitate food into my peeping maw.


And even if I had the will or the strength to venture into the fridge, it’s just not a possibility at this point. Frankly, the stupid thing might as well be in China.


I’m trying to will the bag of Pirate’s Booty to leap from the top of the fridge and scurry on over here, but it’s not working.


Also, there was a slug on my dining room carpet when I got home. We’re probably going to have to eventually burn down the house to deal with this issue. It’s the only easy way to exterminate them once and for all. Fact.

What a pathetic creature I've become. Hell with it. I'm going to bed.

Categories: Rants
  1. August 16, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Oh, good heavens! Stop being a slug yourself, and go pour a goddamn bowl of cereal, or cook some eggs. Honestly! I feel like a failure as a mother bird because you’re still peeping and waiting for me to cook for you. Can we say spoiled?? I love you, little chick, but if I was there, I would give you a good swift kick!

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